Child of a Lesser God
by DarkWriterXX94
Summary: "Jane, I'm so tired... so tired of needing heroin." Jane was sent undercover by an overly ambitious Vice detective to try and catch drug lord Paddy Doyle and his drug addicted daughter, Maura. However, in her attempts to get close to Maura, Jane got addicted too. To Heroin and Maura. Listen as Jane tells the story of the hellish year she had while undercover. Drug Abuse Rizzles
1. Chapter 1

_**So I'm back after a long hiatus (I take those a lot) with my new story. It's just an idea but it's complete. Unfortunately I was one of the ones affected by hurricane Sandy and I am now just getting power restored to my home. With that being said, this entire story was written by candlelight and flashlight and I hope you guys like it.**_

* * *

Korsak watched as the door opened, waiting for her to walk in and join him at the table. He was astonished at her weathered appearance. To see her nearly 30 lbs thinner than when he last saw her, was unsettling. Her hair was stringy and dull, pulled back in a sloppy ponytail and her arms were littered with needle marks.

"Jane"

"Korsak" She retorted harshly.

To this day he cannot cultivate a reason as to why she no longer calls him Vince. He supposes after the Hoyt fiasco they were never close enough to be on a first name basis again.

"I told them I didn't want any visitors."

"Well I'm here…" he grew silent, staring at the shell of a detective he once knew. He watched her body tremble from affects of withdrawal as Jane looked everywhere but at the man in front of her.

"What happened to you?"

"Don't you dare judge me, ok? You have no idea what I had to do to make sure we survived." She yelled.

"We? You mean that girl?"

"_That_ _girl's _name was Maura." She replied bitterly.

"Well, when she was brought to the morgue she had no ID-"

"Morgue?" Jane's face drained of all color, making her skin paler than its previous dull state. It had to be some sick joke, she reasoned.

"She's dead? But how?" she whispered. Korsak shifted uncomfortably in his seat seeing Jane begin to cry.

"Well, when we found you two, you both were passed out on the bathroom floor. You were barely alive and when we pulled the needle of her arm and checked for a pulse she was already cold. My guess is a batch of bad heroin. It nearly killed you too. Consider yourself lucky." He chuckled trying to lighten the mood. Jane sat picking at one of the various scabs on her arms taking in all that Korsak said.

"There's nothing lucky about what happened. Dammit, she died!" She yelled angered at the fact that Korsak took Maura's death so nonchalantly.

"Hey, don't yell at me. I'm just telling you what happened. You're lucky I'm here and not IAB. You could be facing jail time for this."

Jane looked up from her hands,

"Jail? But I didn't kill her. You said so yourself, it was bad heroin."

"I understand that but that's not how they're looking at it. All they see is a rogue cop with a drug problem and a dead drug lord's daughter."

"But I didn't kill her, I loved her!"Korsak pulled out his notepad and turned on his tape recorder,

"Well then tell me what happened."

Jane sat up in her chair, wiping at her nose to ease the burning feeling she's acquired after several months of snorting cocaine. She inhaled deeply, not fully ready to tell what happened in the past year.

"It was around summer time last year, Yeah it was July because I remember all of the stores were selling fireworks…"

**Flashback**

_Jane waved to the detective in the back of the diner as she walked over taking a seat across from him in the booth._

"_Thanks for meeting me Rizzoli."_

"_It was no problem Andrew. How long has it been?"_

"_Well you left Vice back in '06 so 5 years?" He answered. Jane raised an eyebrow at him in surprise. _

"_Wow, it's been a while."_

_Andrew nodded his head in agreement._

"_How are the boys in Homicide treating you?"_

"_Everything's been great. Frost, my new partner, he's great."_

"_Yeah, but he couldn't have been a better partner than I was."_

_Jane smiled, "of course not." She looked down at her watch realizing that she had to be back at the station in 20 minutes._

"_So what was so important that you must see me?"_

_Andrew cleared his throat, seriousness plaguing his face,_

"_We got a case we need your help on."_

_Jane watched him pull a folder out of a briefcase she hadn't noticed was there. Andrew opened the manila folder, spreading its contents across the table. He picked up one photo handing it to Jane, _

"_Are you familiar with Paddy Doyle?"_

_Jane studied the photo, nodding her head, "yeah, biggest drug kingpin in Boston since Sheamus McCreary in the 30's."_

"_Yup." Andrew Picked up another photo, a mug shot of a woman._

"_And this is his daughter, Maura Isles; guess she took her mother's name." She studied the picture, Maura's hair was disheveled with heavy bags under her eyes, nonetheless she was pretty, beautiful even._

"_So what do you need me to do?"_

"_Well, Maura frequents this club, Massionette. We need you to get close to her, see what she knows." Andrew explained as Jane reviewed more of the pictures in the folder._

_She sat down the pictures in her hands before looking up to meet Andrew's eyes._

"_First, how do you know that she knows anything?"_

"_She's strung out on heroin supplied by her father. If anything she knows how he operates and can at least get us probable cause for a raid."_

"_How long do you think this'll take?" Jane asked picking up the picture of Maura again. She had to admit, she found the blonde attractive, but what turned her off was the fact that she was a drug addict and if there was one thing Jane couldn't stand was a junkie._

"_I don't know, you know how UCs work. It could be anywhere from a month to a couple of years." Andrew explained. He was hoping that Jane wouldn't ask this question because he knew that the length of the operation would guarantee her turning him down. He wasn't wrong about her reaction either._

"_A couple of years? Andrew, you expect me to go undercover for a couple of years?"_

"_I didn't say it would be years."_

"_Yeah, but you said it was a possibility and not to mention, Lindsey would raise hell."_

"_Oh, Lindsay, huh? A new girlfriend?" Andrew smirked at Jane grateful for a topic to calm her down._

"_No." she lied, trying to hide the wide grin she wore._

"_Whatever." He said obviously not believing her. "Tell me about her"_

"_There's nothing to tell. We met a couple of months ago when we had to work with Computer Crimes for a case."_

"_Oh, so she's a cop. Is she hot?" he questioned earning him a punch to the arm._

"_Like I'd tell you." She looked at the pictures again._

"_So why me? I'm sure you could find a dozen other detectives to do this—"_

"_But I wanted you. Look Jane, you're a damn good cop and great at what you do. We have one chance to get this bastard and I don't want to screw this up by putting in someone I don't think could get the job done."_

"_You can't expect me to have an answer for you now."_

"_I don't. You can have some time but don't take too long. If we're going to do this, we have to act fast." He stood up from the table._

"_I'll leave this case file with you. If you decide to do this you know where to reach me."_

_Jane nodded her head, turning to look back at the pictures in front of her _

_**End of Flashback**_

"So considering that we are sitting in a rehab facility, I guess you said yes to Detective Miller." Korsak said, as he finished the sentence he was writing in his notepad.

"I wasn't at first... Like I said, I had a life, a job, and a girlfriend. All things I didn't want to just drop so I could run and do a job that wasn't mine."

"So what changed your mind?"

Jane was silent for a moment, tremors of withdrawal still plaguing her body.

"You did."

"Me?" He had to admit, he wasn't expecting that answer.

"We were sitting at our desks and you were going on and on about how you wished Narcotics would smarten up and arrest Doyle already…"

_**Flashback**_

"_Can you believe this, another murder and we can't even touch the bastard?"_

_Jane looked up from the file on her desk to see Korsak slamming a newspaper down on his desk._

"_What's wrong Vince?"_

"_Doyle is at it again, killing rival drug dealers and planting kilos of cocaine so that it automatically becomes Vice's case. Jane, I bet if you were still over there in Narcotics, that bastard would've been put away long ago."_

_Jane looked at her former partner, an uneasy feeling passing over her._

"_Uh, Korsak, can I ask you a question?"_

"_Sure, what's the question?"_

"_Do you think I'd do a good job if I went undercover?"_

"_You? Undercover? I'd love to see that." He chuckled._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Jane, when you're really trying you could convince anyone of anything."_

_Jane sat back in her chair biting at a fingernail, a bad habit she picked up during the Hoyt case._

"_I'll be back," she said grabbing her gun and phone out of her desk._

"_It's only been a day, Rizzoli. Didn't expect to be hearing from you so soon,"_

_Jane watched Andrew take a seat across from her as they sat at the same diner they met in just 24 hours before._

"_So do you have an answer for me?" he asked._

_Jane was silent for a moment, thinking deeply about whether or not she was sure about what she was going to say._

"_Yeah, I'll do it."_

_Andrew smiled widely at her, drumming his hands down on the table._

"_I'm so glad to hear you sat that,"_

"_Yeah." Jane didn't try and fake her excitement because honestly she wasn't excited about going undercover, she hated having to remember every lie she tells and watching what she says. Not to mention her gun would be taken so she couldn't protect herself. However, she knew by going undercover she would be saving the millions of people that Doyle would make future addicts. _

"_So, when do you need me to start?"_

"_The question is, when can you start?"_

"_I have no open homicides so whenever you need me, I can available."_

_Andrew pulled out his phone, looking through his calendar. "How about this Friday?"_

"_What's so special about this Friday?"_

"_It's the fourth of July. Massionette has a huge Independence Day party and we are almost certain Maura will be there. With her nomadic lifestyle, this may be our only chance to infiltrate."_

"_Ok." She responded simply._

"_Rizzoli, before we do this I must warn you of a few things. This will be a very dangerous operation. Jane, you'll have to cut all ties with your family, friends and partner. No one is to know of your whereabouts. You'll relinquish your gun, badge and cell phone. You will only communicate with me once a month through payphone in a back alley behind a methadone clinic. Jane, if you accept this and decided to go under, you're in until the job is finished, your cover is blown, or worse. So once again, are you sure about this?"_

"_Yes I am."_

"_Good"_

_**End of Flashback**_

"Jane, I was just a little frustrated, I never thought it would convince you to run out and play undercover cop."

"Yeah, well it's done."

"Yes it is… Do you regret what happened?"

"No I don't"

Korsak paused, trying to read the emotionless stare Jane gave him.

"Alright, so what happened after that?"

"I met with Andrew on the fourth…"

* * *

_**So how do you guys like this? Would you be interested in this type of AU? It's sort of a departure from the "normal" Rizzles stories. Let me know if you guys like it, hate, whatever.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_July 4_

_This was the only thing I owned that didn't scream 'I'm a cop'" Rizzoli explained as she walked over to where Andrew stood by the van. He put up his hands in surrender,_

"_I wasn't going to say anything." He looked at Jane taking note of her outfit, a long green t shirt cut down each side with a sports bra underneath. Along with that she wore black jeans with a pair of converse. He wasn't used to seeing her look so casual.  
"You actually dressed the part perfectly."_

"_So, am I supposed to wear a wire or something?"_

"_Or something." Andrew shrugged, reaching over into the van and pulling out a leather belt. _

"_Wear this. It has a small microphone init that'll transmit all conversations back here so that Mikey and his tech crew can work their magic. Just try and stay out of back rooms and the back of the club because we'll lose the signal. "_

_Jane took the belt slipping it into the belt loops of her jeans as she listened to him explain everything._

"_Oh yeah, one more thing. Here's your wallet with you ID as wells as a new cell phone. If you check under the calendar reminder, 'Must pay phone bill' you'll see the address of your safe house. When you get there you'll see a set of keys to your new car. Consider that one a gift. "He chuckled. _

"_And you'll have a job."_

"_A job? For what?"_

"_Because you need to pay for food. The department couldn't fit everything into the budget. So you have to work to keep food in the apartment. It's just a gig at a small skate shop."_

_Jane took the phone slipping it in her back pocket._

"_Is that all?" _

_Andrew nodded his head._

"_Yeah, that's all Rizzoli…Now I must warn you, Maura is no dummy. She may be a drug addict strung out on smack but she's no idiot. She graduated top of high school class and magna cum laude from BCU. She was set to graduate from Harvard Medical when apparently she met some guy who got her hooked. I'm telling you all of this because one mistake and Maua will see right through you. And if that happens, she won't hesitate to inform her father. That could mean your life. The moment you make contact and have successfully infiltrated text the number stored as mom with the message, 'we'll make it to dinner.'"_

"_Alright. I understand Andrew, don't look so nervous." She chuckled, trying to calm him down. She didn't understand why he was so anxious, she was the one going undercover. She walked away from the van and out of the dark alley, crossing the street to the entrance of Massionettes. She prepared to walk inside only to be stopped by a large man._

"_ID?"_

_She nodded her head, fishing in her back pocket for her wallet flashing the bouncer her ID. He nodded his head okay, stepping aside to allow her entrance. Jane put her wallet back in her pocket as she made her way up a dark stair case, letting the music lead her to where she needed to go. Jane was never much of a party goer; anytime she did make a visit to a club it was because her brothers dragged her out to one and by brothers she meant her youngest, Tommy. The only reason she ever agreed was because she sought the companionship of someone outside of her family and her partner, Detective Frost; someone to make her feel good, feel something since her last encounter with Serial Killer Charles Hoyt, even if only for a night. Then came Lindsay, someone who understood how she felt when she came home after a tough case. She was willing to listen when Jane wanted to talk and didn't push Jane when the detective wasn't as forthcoming about her nightmare. She really care about Jane and was very patent with her and Jane loved her for it._

"_Can I get a beer?" Jane asked, as she took a seat at the bar. _

_The bartender, a young blonde, smiled at her,_

"_Anything for you." She winked, receiving a smile in return. Jane grabbed her beer, twisting off the cap with her hands, a "talent" she picked up as a teen. Taking a sip of the cold Heineken, she turned around to face the dance floor, looking to see if Maura had arrived yet. Despite it being dark in the club, Jane didn't see anyone fitting the description of the woman she looking for, so she turned back to the bar to finish her beer._

_Hey Hailey, Can I get another round." Jane turned to her side to see a woman standing at the bar bouncing up and down as if she had to pee. Jane usually saw this jitteriness in drug addicts coming down from a high. Turning her body completely to get a second look, Jane recognized her. It was Maura. Jane had to admit, her mug shot did her no justice, she was beautiful._

"_Alright, Maura, just calm the hell down." Hayley said, turning back to her other customers. Maura took a seat, sighing heavily as she waited. Jane took another sip of her beer. Now that she had found Maura she had no clue how to approach her. _

'Remember Rizzoli, she's no idiot. Play it cool."_ She took another gulp of her beer. But before she could say anything, Maura turned towards her._

"_I've never seen you here before."_

"_I've always been here; maybe you're not looking hard enough."_

'That's right Rizzoli, just play it cool, act natural.'

_She turned back to her beer. _

_Maura narrowed her eyes at Jane,_

"_Well, if you'd been her before, I'd have seen you." _

_Jane stood up, taking out her wallet, throwing a twenty on the bar counter,_

"_Look ,um…"_

"_Maura."_

"_Maura, I just came for a beer. Like I said, this isn't my first time here, whether or not you remember me is your problem, not mine. Jane turned away, only to feel a hand grabbing her arm._

"_Wait…Dance with me." Maura whispered._

_Jane smiled to herself, turning back to Maura who stood up, forgetting her drinks, and led Jane to the center of the dance floor. _

_She took Jane's hands, wrapping them around her waist as she closed the distance between them._

"_What's your name?"_

"_Jane."_

"_Jane, you know you're quite attractive. The symmetry in your face is quite appealing." Maura turned in Jane's arms, grinding into her as they moved to the music, the throbbing of its bass matching Jane's heartbeat. As quickly as the music began, it just as quickly ended, leaving Maura and Jane staring at each other._

"_Come with me." Maura took Jane's hand leading her away from the large crowd and noise. Jane allowed the blonde to lead her to a secluded hallway in the back of the club. Maura placed her hand lightly at Jane's chest, pushing her back against the wall. Their lips touch and Jane stilled. She soon found herself breathing in the scent of Maura's perfume. Her heart skidded to a halt as the soft brush of Maura's perfume. Her heart skidded to a halt as the soft brush of her mouth against hers forced Jane's knees to weaken. She opened her eyes, her fingers sliding up to grip Maura's arms as she flipped them with Maura's back now against the wall. They separated for a second to catch their breaths and their eyes locked. Jane looked into Maura's glazed over eyes, a byproduct of whatever drug she took, before their lips connected again. Maura's hands reached down pulling at Jane's belt. The clicking of her belt buckle and the threat of her wire being discovered brought Jane back to reality._

"_I should get going." Jane stammered, backing away from her. Maura desperately reached out for her hand to stop her._

"_No, don't go. We just met." She pleaded with a childlike innocence. For a moment Jane almost caved to the sadness in Maura's eyes, but she knew she had to leave. She was immediately uncomfortable. She had done her job, she had infiltrated. That was enough for now._

"_Maura, if it's meant to be, we'll meet again." And with that she was gone._

End of Flashback

"So you just left? How did you even know you'd see her again?"

Jane wiped at her nose again, shrugging, "I didn't know."

"Well when did you see her again?"

"That night. I had forgotten my cell phone. Without it, I had no idea where my safe house was. I walked back to the club and luckily for me, Hailey, the bartender had picked up my phone before anyone else could get to it.

_Flashback_

"_Thanks Hailey." Jane said, smiling at the blonde, earning her a wink. If there was one thing she learned from watching her brother and the several people she's dated, it's that their was a Rizzoli charm and she definitely possessed it. Jane slipped the phone in her pocket and as she turned to leave, she caught sight of Maura passed out on a couch in the back of the club. Jane sighed in frustration. She hadn't been gone for 10 minutes and already, Maura had gone off to get high. Jane made her way to the back of the club to where Maura was. She kneeled down in front of the couch, _

"_Maura." She received no response. She sat the blonde up straight, patting her face lightly._

"_C'mon, wake up." She whispered. Seeing Maura's eyes open, if only for a second before fluttering shut, she sighed in relief._

"_Jane, you came back." She whispered. Jane put one of Maura' arms around her shoulder as she pulled her to her feet. _

"_C'mon, let's get you home." She helped Maura walk out of the club,_

"_Where do you live?" she asked as they made their way down the sidewalk in the warm July night._

"_I don't remember. Somewhere with a door." And with that she burst out laughing. _

_Jane rolled her eyes, unsure of where to take the intoxicated woman in her arms. She pulled out her phone, reading the calendar note with the address of her safe house. Luckily for them both, it wasn't too far from where they currently were and they arrived soon after._

_Jane reached above the door, finding a single key waiting for her. Still holding Maura, trying to keep them both from falling over, she unlocked the door. Kicking it open with her foot, she flicked on the lights revealing a room with a bed against the wall by the window and a couch by the door._

"_Where are we Jane?" Maura slurred, slipping in and out of consciousness._

"_Don't worry about it." She brought Maura over to the bed, laying her down gently. She quickly undressed her, leaving her in just her underwear. She folded the clothes and sat them on the night stand before pulling a blanket over her, stopping to take in the several small holes littering the fold Maura's arms. She walked into the kitchen opening the refrigerator seeing a case of her favorite beer on the top shelf._

"_Andy, you know me too well." She smirked, grabbing a bottle flicking the cap off. She pulled out her phone, falling back on the couch._

'_We'll make it to dinner." She quickly typed into her phone, pressing send before placing it on her coffee table._

End of Flashback

"Damn safe house was nicer than my whole apartment." Jane grumbled, reaching into her jean pocket and pulling out a cigarettes, lighting it.

"I never knew you smoked. When did that start?"

"I don't know, a few months ago. Look, considering all the other junk I put in my body a cigarette is harmless." She laughed, expelling the toxic fumes into the air.

Korsak looked at Jane in disgust.

"What happened to you?"

Jane's face became solemn again as she took another drag of her cigarette. As she held the smoke in her lungs, she looked down, studying the cigarette in her hand. She slowly exhaled the smoke in her lungs,

"Maura happened."


	3. Chapter 3

Hey everyone, in the previous chapters all flashbacks were third person point of view and from Jane's point of view but I've decided in the subsequent chapter the flashbacks will be third person omniscient to capture Maura's actions also because she's just as important to this story as Jane. Once again thanks for reading and reviews are always welcomed.

* * *

"So you met Maura, what next?" Korsak asked reviewing his notes on everything Jane had said.

She shrugged, "Nothing for a while. I focused mainly on gaining her trust."

**_Flashback_**

"_Where the hell am I?" Maura asked, sitting up in the bed, bringing the sheet to cover her body. Jane jumped at the voice, startled from where she was asleep on the couch._

"_My apartment…You passed out in the club and I brought you here since you couldn't remember where you lived except for the fact that you had a door."_

_Maura placed a hand on her head trying to sooth the headache._

"_Who are you?"_

_Jane looked up, raising an eyebrow at the woman in her bed, "you don't remember?"_

_Maura ran a hand through her hair, looking down at the sheets gathered in her lap. After a few minutes of thinking she looked up at Jane, a smile gracing her face seductively._

"_Oh, I remember you. Why aren't you in bed with me?"_

"_Because we didn't have sex."_

_Maura frowned, "why not? Do you not like sex?"_

_Jane laughed, "Oh I like sex."_

"_Then why did you turn me away?"_

"_Because you were high. I couldn't take advantage of you like that."_

_Maura continued to frown surprised at Jane's response. She'd never had anyone reject a sexual encounter with her because she was high. Maura had to admit, she was touched._

"_Can I use your bathroom?"_

_She asked, getting up from the bed, grabbing her clothes off the nightstand._

"_Yeah, down the hall and to the right." Jane instructed._

_Maura walked into the bathroom, placing her clothes on top of the toilet. Immediately, nausea plagued her. She collapsed onto the tile floor with little grace, the coolness a pleasant contrast against her clammy warm skin. Her hand extended out to the wall above the toilet to steady herself. Her muscles contracted as she lurched forward, vomit spilling in the water with a revolting plopping noise. After her vomiting was reduced to nothing but dry, painful heaves she flushed the toilet, pressing the lever down with all the strength she could manage. She then pulled herself to the feet, leaning over the sink to look at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot and dilated, dark circles surrounding them. She turned away, as she tried to swallow the foul taste in her mouth as she moved to the toilet to grab her clothes._

_She grabbed her skirt, pulling a small bag of various prescription pills out of the pocket. She fished through the bag for two small white tablets. She placed them in her mouth before placing her head under the faucet of the sink, turning it on and allowing the water to flow into her mouth. She swallowed the pills anxious for them to take effect and cure her headache. She turned off the water and reached over, grabbing her clothes. She quickly got dressed making sure to hide the track marks on her arms. __The fold in her arm was littered with small holes, an increasingly large blot of purple coloring the pale skin and__ for the first time, she was actually ashamed of it. So she rolled down the sleeves of her shirt, hiding the proof of her addiction before she exited the bathroom. She returned to the living room, in search of Jane to find she was alone._

"_Jane?"_

"_In the kitchen." She called. Maura walked into the kitchen to see Jane sipping a cup of coffee holding another one which she offered the blonde. _

"_Thank you." She said with a grateful smile, she sipped at the hot beverage taking a seat across from Jane at the table._

"_For what? Coffee? It's nothing" she said with a wave of her hand._

"_No, for bringing me here…you didn't have to." She smiled sincerely at Jane who in turn shrugged in indifference._

"_Don't worry about it, I just didn't want some pervert to try and take advantage of you, especially in the state you were in." Jane stopped talking as she saw Maura's eye trail over to the clock on the wall beside them._

"_what's wrong?"_

"_Nothing. I just have to meet someone for lunch." She explained taking another sip of her coffee._

"_A boyfriend?' she teased, making a face at Maura._

"_No." Maura replied smiling at the face Jane gave her._

"_I just have to meet my father." _

_Jane sat up straighter at the mention of Doyle. She decided to push further, although she would tread lightly._

"_You're father, huh? You guys must be close." Jane said, noticing Maura wince slightly at the mention of her father._

"_No, not really, we never even spoke until I left school." She explained sadly._

"_Why not?" Jane asked trying to maintain the façade of innocent curiosity. Maura ran a hand through her hair as she placed her coffee mug down on the table._

"_I don't want to talk about him. What about you? You asked if I had a boyfriend, do you have one?" she questioned trying desperately to change the subject. Jane laughed out loud_

"_No I don't have a boyfriend, haven't had one since high school" she explained slightly disappointed that Maura managed to change the subject from Doyle to herself._

_Maura, now deeply intrigued leaned forward, resting her head in her hands,_

"_No boyfriends, huh? What are you, celibate or something."_

"_I never said hat." Jane retorted earning a confusing stared form the other woman. She picked back up the newspaper she'd been reading before Maura had joined her._

"_But you said you've never—ah, so you are a lesbian." She stated excitedly._

"_I thought last night gave that away."_

_Maura waved off what Jane said,_

"_I've made out with plenty of straight women, slept with even more."_

_Not it was Jane's turn to be intrigued. "So you are a lesbian?"_

"_Out and proud since high school." Maura confirmed standing up from the chair._

"_Do you have any food, I'm starving." She asked, walking over to the refrigerator._

"_No, but I can buy you breakfast if you want."_

_Maura turned back to face Jane,_

"_Why would you buy me breakfast?" she asked accusingly._

"_Because you're hungry"_

_Maura continued to frown, now suspicious of the woman in front of her._

"_But you barely know me."_

"_So?"_

"_You're willing to buy me food and you don't even know me. Technically we're still strangers."_

_Jane dropped her newspaper and stood up, walking over to where Maura stood,_

"_Maura, I don't know what you've gone through in life that would make you so suspicious of my generosity but I'm not out to hurt you, and I don't have an ulterior motive. You're hungry, you said so yourself, so can you just let your guard down for a second and let me treat you to pancakes?"_

_Maura was speechless and all she could do was nod. Her heart swelled at the words Jane said, never before had someone spoke so sincerely to her and it enveloped her in an unfamiliar warmness._

* * *

_Maura's eyes never broke eye contact with the large stack of pancakes as the waitress sat them between Jane and herself. The waitress sat two plated on the table before walking away. Maura couldn't remember the last time she ate, dope usually killed her appetite. But now seeing the food in front of her, her appetite returned full force. She quickly pulled two pancakes off the top of the stack, placing them on her plate before drowning them in syrup. She picked up her fork, ready to eat when she remembered she wasn't alone. She looked up to find Jane staring back at her with an amused smirk on her face,_

"_Oh, don't mind me." Jane laughed._

_Maura looked down, blushing in slight embarrassment,_

"_I'm just hungry."_

_Jane picked up her knife and fork, cutting Maura's pancakes for her. she picked up a pice of the cut foot with the fork, offering it to Maura who smiled, deeply touched at Jane's actions. She opened her mouth allowing Jane to feed her._

_After they finished eat, Maura asked Jane to walk her to the bus stop. They walked side by side in relative silence._

"_Jane, do you have a girlfriend?" Maura asked shyly, not look up to make eye contact with Jane._

"_No" Jane wasn't sure if it were the truth or not. After the long fight she had with Lindsay before she left, she wasn't sure where they stood. She shoved her hands in her pocket, playfully bumping Maura's hip with her own,_

"_Do you?" she questioned. Maura wrapped her arms around herself as if she were cold despite it being nearly 8- degrees outside._

"_No."_

_Jane waited for her to elaborate further but Maura remained silent, until they reached the bus stop_

_Maura turned to face Jane,_

"_Thanks for everything."_

"_You don't have—"_

"_Yes I do. Your kindness, it's—it's refreshing." She explained, smilingly sadly at Jane._

"_Ya' know, I have a car, I can take you to meet your father."_

"_No, I have to meet him alone, but thanks for the offer." Both women looked sadly at the other sadly as the bus pulled up. Maura stepped onto the bus._

"_Will I get to see you again?" Jane asked. Maura smiled, stepping back off the bus, she stood on her toes kissing Jane lightly on the cheek,_

"_If it's meant to be, we'll meet again." Jane smirked hearing Maura reiterate the exact words Jane had said to her the night before. She watched the bus pull of before pulling out her IPhone to make note that Maura takes the 7 express to meet her father. Placing her phone back in her pocket, she shoved her hands back in the pockets as she made her way back home, missing the blonde's presence already._


	4. Chapter 4

"Jane, do you know why I'm here?" Korsak asked, stopping the tape recorder in the middle of the table. He watched Jane light another cigarette, shaking her head no.

"Lindsey."

"Lindsey?" Jane looked up surprise at hearing her name.

"Yes, Lindsey. After a year passed and still neither word from you nor any updates on your status, she came to me for help. Turns out that bastard Andrew sent you out on a wild goose chase."

"I don't think I understand."

"This whole UC was unsanctioned. It was never approved by his captain and he only got Cavanaugh to let you go using a letter he wrote on fake company letter head." Korsak explained, pulling out the fabricated letter. Jane, now furious from the new information, put out her cigarette and lifted the letter.

"That mother fucker. He RUINED my life and all for what? So he could gain credit on all the work I busted my ass to do."

"I know how terrible this must be Jane, but don't worry he'll get his soon enough."

"And what about Lindsey? Is she ok?"

"Yeah, she's fine, now that she knows your ok. But you can't see her until this whole ordeal is sorted out."

Jane nodded her head in understanding. She hated how she ended things with Lindsey and now looking back in hindsight, she wished she'd been kinder and more forthcoming with information regarding where she was going.

* * *

_**Flashback**_

"_Would you at least tell me where you're going?" Lindsey begged, watching Jane continue to pack her bag, as if she hadn't heard her at all. _

"_Would you please talk to me? Jane!" the detective stopped, refusing to make eye contact with the woman in front of her._

"_We both know what's going on" she explained, her voice hoarse with emotion. _

"_I just wish you would show me the decency of telling me the truth instead of giving me so many damn cryptic answers!" she cried out, throwing a discarded shirt at Jane before walking out the room. Jane sighed in frustration before following after her._

"_Why are you upset?" she asked, walking into the kitchen where her girlfriend stood._

"_Why in the hell do you think I'm upset? My girlfriend is going off to god knows-where and you wonder why I'm pissed? What I don't get is why can't you just tell where you're going? I'm a cop too. Is that it? Is it some assignment that BPD is sending you on? I understand the need for secrecy, I understand that. But I'm not Frost or Korsak…I thought you loved me."_

"_I do love you."_

"_Then why are you leaving?"_

_Jane studied her and could see how broken she was but nonetheless she knew she couldn't give her the answers she was looking for._

"_Because I have to." She wanted desperately to reveal to her that she was going undercover but Andrew warned her that when people ask questions they are never prepared for __**this**__ answer. They aren't ready for the uncertainty of the situation. _

_Seeing that Jane wasn't going to elaborate further, Lindsey reached up, wiping away the tears resting on her face, saying in frustration,_

"_Well, when you get back from wherever the hell it is you're going, I can't guarantee that I'll still love you enough to be here," before walking back into her bedroom. Instead of chasing after her like her heart was telling her to do, she picked up her suitcase and walked out the door, closing it silently behind her._

* * *

Korsak watch silently as Jane got lost in her thoughts. He looked over at the clock and saw the time. He knew that IAB would be there the next day so he had to get Jane's entire story before then. He reached over, turning back on the recorder,

"Jane, what happened after Maura left?"

Jane snapped out of her reverie quickly, turning back to her ex-partner.

"Andy nearly tore my head off for not following her…"

* * *

_**Flashback.  
**_  
_It had been nearly three weeks since Jane last saw Maura and now standing in this back alley explaining to Andrew that the only thing she had on Maura was that the 17 Express took her to Doyle, Jane was afraid that her cover was blown._

"_Why didn't you follow?" Andy asked, clearly annoyed. Jane held the pay phone receiver away from her ear, not wanting to hear anymore of his yelling. _

"_Because she would have definitely known something was up._

"_Do you think you cover was blown?"_

"_No…Just—just trust me on this, ok. I'll have more for you by the next call."_

"_Alright Rizzoli. I have a lot riding on you." And with that he ended the call. Jane quickly made her way to work at the skateboard shop. After working several hours she made her way home. As she went through various pockets looking for her keys, she was startled by a voice._

"_Jane." She looked up to see Maura sitting on the front steps of her apartment building. She took in her disheveled appearance and immediately knew something was wrong._

"_What's wrong Maura?" she asked, taking a seat next to her. Maura looked up at her with a blank stare._

"_Can I come inside?" she whispered hoarsely. Jane nodded her head, picking up Maura's bag and helping her off the steps and into her apartment. Maura walked into the living room as Jane locked the door._

"_Can I used you shower?"_

_Jane nodded her head, not knowing how to react to Maura's melancholy mood, a complete contrast to her mood when they were previously together. She watched Maura disappear into the bathroom before flopping down on the couch to await her return. _

_Maura walked into the bathroom, her arms wrapped around herself, desperate to get her clothes off of her. She felt filthy and used. She wanted nothing more than to wash away __**his**__ scent off of her. Reaching into the shower, she turned on the hot water, allowing the steam to fill up the room in an opaque cloud. _

_Cracking her eyes opened, she looked through blurry eyes over to her bag by the door. Feeling that wasn't a better time to do it she grabbed her bag. Reaching into it she pulled out a zip lock bag that contained the only thing that could stop her hurting. She stared at it for several minutes; once again feeling disgusted with what she had done to get it. Opening the bag she removed a syringe and a vial. Dropping them on the floor next to her, she quickly removed her belt from around her waist. She then rolled her sleeve up to her shoulder. The skin of the crease where he forearm met her bicep had a cluster of tiny almost healed holes with a tinge of purple around them. This was mostly due to the fact that it had been almost two days since she had a hit. Two days too long._

_Retrieving her belt, she securely fastened it around her left arm._

_It had been twenty minutes and Maura had yet to return from the bathroom. Fearing something was wrong, Jane decided to check on her. Grabbing extra towels out of the closet in the hall, she knocked on the bathroom door before opening it._

"_Maura, I hope your dece-" she stopped at the sight of Maura sitting against the tub holding a syringe to her arm._

"_What in the hell are you doing?"_

_Maura didn't look up as she tried to find a vein in her arm, water from her wet hair dripping down to her face and blurring her vision._

"_Leave me alone Jane." She said._

"_Look Maura. You're welcome to stay here but not if you insist on putting that shit in your body."_

_Maura looked up through bloodshot eyes glaring angrily at Jane._

"_You have no right to judge me!" she yelled._

_Jane sighed, "If you do that, if you inject that stuff, you can't stay here."_

_Maura looked at Jane, begging her not to make her choose, but Jane stayed stubborn, not changing her mind. Maura picked up the neglected needle, placing it at the vein in her arm. Jane couldn't stand to watch and turned away from Maura, leaving her in the bathroom. _

_**His**__ voice was still in Maura's head and the warmth of __**his**__ breath was still felt on her neck. Unable to stop the influx of tears, she fell to the floor and broke down, the pain of her situation hitting her once again. _

_Making a fist with her left hand, she used her right to slap her arm roughly, waiting for a vein to pulse and make itself visible. She took the vial and the needle in her hands and slid the needle into the plastic covering the vial of heroin, pulling back the end and watching the fluid fill the syringe._

_With little effort, she plunged the needle into her flesh, pushing the end down to let the drug flow into her bloodstream. She watched the golden liquid dance with her blood as the effects hit her. The kind of shudder one feels when they are out in the cold raced up her spin and she let out a shaky unstable breath. This feeling that flushed through her vein she never got used to. She could feel the effects of the narcotic kicking in and she prepared herself for the euphoric ride. Her vision began to blur even more and she began to sweat rapidly. _

_She smiled as she started to notice the familiar shifting patterns on the ceiling. She rested her head on the edge of the tub as she watched the pattern change to swirling colors, greats fields of reds, blue, yellows and greens. She tried to speak but her words came out soggy, wet, dripping and tasting of color. She slumped onto the floor and let the colors absorb her physically. She could smell them, touch them and feel them as well as hear them. Never had the world been so beautiful. A part of her really enjoyed the feeling, a feeling she never wanted to end, but it did, eventually, and all too quickly. She blacked out._

_Jane paced her living room lividly. She was pissed and the cop in her wanted to arrest Maura right away. However, she remembered that she was no longer a cop; she was just plain Jane. She had no idea why she even cared so much. Maura was just a junkie, a junkie she was going to arrest when the time came. She shouldn't care if she killed herself in her bathroom. It wasn't as if she cared for Maura or anything. Nope, she didn't care. She took a seat on her couch, waiting for Maura to come from the bathroom. She picked up the remote and tried to find something calm her. _

_Maura came out some time later wearing one of Jane's Baseball jerseys, her hair still damp from the shower. From where Jane was, she could see the glassiness in Maura's eyes and the spot on her arms where she had applied a band aid to cover the puncture hole. Maura walked over to where Jane sat, sitting next to her. She reached out to Jane, only to have the brunette snatch her arm away._

"_Don't touch me."_

"_Please don't be that way. You're the best thing in my life and I need you." It was true, she really needed Jane. The other woman made her feel safe, something she'd __**never**__ felt since __**he**__ came into her life._

_Jane turned at hearing the desperation in her voice._

"_But you don't need that shit you insist on injecting in your arms."_

"_**Yes I do**__ Jane, and I wish you wouldn't hate me for it." She said, a tear rolling down her cheek. Jane's heart broke at seeing her cry. She wrapped her arms around her, using her thumbs to wipe at her fallen tears. Maura smiled sadly, unfamiliar with the feelings she was having, She leaned in shyly placing her lips on Jane's, expecting the brunette to pull away, but instead, Jane stayed, deepening the kiss. Both women separated after the need for air became crucial. _

"_Jane, I don't want to use, I really don't, but I can't stop." She whispered. _

_Jane nodded sympathetically, pulling Maura into her arms, holding her until both dozed off. _

_Jane awoke to the sound of her alarm signaling that it was time for her to go to work. She looked down at Maura who rested lightly on her chest. She didn't have the heart to wake the blonde from her peaceful slumber, but unfortunately, Jane knew she had to get to work. _

"_Maura?' she whispered. The blonde only stirred but didn't wake. Jane lightly moved from under Maura, placing a pillow under her. She walked into the bathroom to shower when she spotted Maura's bag on the sink. She went to move it to the top of the toilet when she accidently dropped it, spilling all of its contents on the floor. Seeing all of Maura's needles and heroin supplies made Jane uneasy. During her time in Vice, she'd seen her fair share of drug paraphernalia, but there was something about knowing that Maura used those needles to slowly kill herself that upset Jane dearly. She quickly picked up everything off the floor, careful not to hurt herself as she placed it back in the small makeup bag sitting it back on the sink. She quickly showered and brushed her teeth before returning to the main room. Maura was awake, sitting at the kitchen table. Jane walked over to her, wrapping her arms around her waist. Maura placed a hand on her cheek in concern._

"_What's wrong?"_

"_It's nothing…Just, I have to be at work at 9. Promise me you'll be here when I return." _

_Maura nodded her as she leaned in and kissed Jane lightly,_

"_I will."_

* * *

_**End of Flashback**_

Jane slowly tore pieces of paper into small bits, forming a pile.

"Ya know, I never intended to pursue a romantic relationship with Maura, but it just turned out that way. At first I thought, if I make her fall in love with me, the quicker I'll gain her trust so she'll tell me about Doyle and the quicker I could get home." She explained, gathering the small pieces of paper in front of her.

Korsak raised an eyebrow sensing that Jane was holding back.

"But?"

Jane shifted in her seat to an Indian style sitting position.

"But, the line between pretending and reality blurred."

"I don't think I understand." Truth is, he understood perfectly, he just didn't want any ambiguity in his police report.

"I mean… I mean I fell in love. I would go to work, then come home and be with Maura. We fell into a comfortable routine and soon enough my feelings became real. She would still do her drugs but she knew how if felt about them and would never do them while I was around. I still hated that far away look she would get in her eyes whenever she was high but I couldn't judge her, especially with all of the demons in my closet.

Korsak put down his pen,

"Jane, this UC operation seemed simple enough. What I don't get is how did you end up a heroin junkie? You let some girl turn you into everything you stood against!"

"Hey! Look at me!" she slammed her hand down on the table startling Korsak. "You think I wanted to end up like this? Never once did she offer me any of that crap and never once did I ask…" she sat back in her chair, feeling defeated,

"But then Frankie died…"

* * *

_**WOOH! Two chapters in two days, I'm on a roll. I hope you liked it. The mystery behind the man haunting Maura will soon be revealed, cracking open her past and her tumultuous trip down the road to addiction. Reviews are always welcomed.**_


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